There are very few times that I get an email and immediately start laughing out loud. This morning I received one such email from Hedges Family Estate, a popular and highly acclaimed Washington Winery in the Red Mountain AVA. Immediately I thought, I have to share! The content is pure Hedges humor. I encourage you to visit their web site, like them on Facebook and follow them on Twitter. 

Enjoy!

Rules for Attending a Wine Festival

by Hedges Family Estate, Red Mountain, WA

• Don’t tether your wine glass to your neck
• Don’t pinch your fingers and say, “Just a little.”  Dump it if you don’t want to finish it, but I’m going to pour as much as I damn well please
• Don’t violently lift your glass mid-pour and say, “That’s enough.”  Same deal as above.
• Don’t say, “Give me the biggest thing you have.”  This isn’t NASCAR.
• Let “smooth” take the day off from your vocabulary… the whole day
• Don’t shove.  I mean… really
• Don’t say you hate Merlot. We all saw Sideways. Guess what: Miles didn’t want to drink Merlot because it reminded him of his ex-wife. That bottle he drank in the end—his most precious bottle—had a ton of Merlot in it.
• Don’t tell every winemaker about the winery that was down the street while you lived in Lodi
• Don’t ask how the wine scored… ever.
• Do wear a “Wine’er, Dine’er, 69’er T-shirt
• If you are going to wear one of the those little food trays that has a cutout for your glass, you better be damn sure you are cool enough to wear it.  Note: no one is that cool
• Over-buff late thirties guy: Don’t try to impress your date by contradicting me.  You’re going to fail.  Yeah, try me
• Don’t lick your glass… pig
• Don’t talk about your sulfite allergy.  There is a good chance you have no idea what you’re talking about
• Don’t dump into the water pitcher.  And always look before you drink out of it
• Practice spitting at home; it will come in handy
• Don’t talk about the legs after you swirl the glass.  Here’s a tip: the legs don’t matter.
• Don’t take your heels off and puke in the lobby
• Don’t ask what the most expensive wine on the table is
• Keep the rim of your glass food free
• If you proclaim that you don’t like white or rose, we will make fun of you when you walk away
• NO Perfume!  And go light on the lipstick, honey