The Dudes Guide: Part 3 Snort Suck Swish
Tasting wine is a similar experience. Wine is a lover to be enjoyed, caressed, and passionately embraced. This is something that guys need to learn. We’re not used to the delicate intricacies of a woman (or wine). Most of the time we fumble along hoping our bodies connect in the right way. A real man appreciates the arresting aroma, savours the supple style and drinks in delicate drama that is a woman (or wine). Dude’s it is time to move from our slam a shot mentality to the savor the senses experience that is wine. This is a gentle love affair not a one night stand.
In the first two posts we talked about;
- Three reasons all dudes need to know at least a little about wine
- Explained seven wine grapes to help understand the strange new world
Today, we are going to talk about tasting wine. Wine can be described as a symphony with its subtle nuances and bold phrases emphasizing the rise and fall of emotion. As guys, we’re used to a drum solo – bam – it’s loud and fast and it’s over and we’re happy – time to sleep.
The Swirl: Getting Her Ready
Lay her back, rub you hands in a circle letting her get excited. She gets aroused as the friction causes her to breathe. With the motion you take notice of her color, her quality, and her clarity. Her juices run down the…GLASS! We’re talking about wine here guys!
Exploring wine begins with the swirl. People swirl wine to allow oxygen into the wine. A nice crystal glass and the shape of the bowl help the wine to breathe and prepare the next step; the sniff. Don’t over pour your wine. A four or five ounce pour is plenty (remember wine has twice the alcohol as a normal beer). Leave enough room in the glass so that when you swirl you’re not spilling on your girls new dress. That is a major foul and will probably not lead to the desired outcome of the night.
The Sniff: The Intoxicating Allure
The flurry of motion has released a myriad of aromas that flood the nose. With a deep inhale you allow the smell to penetrate. Your brain becomes excited at the anticipation prompting a heightened awareness of the other senses. Careful not to rush, you enjoy the smells before you dive in to taste…THE WINE. We’re still talking about wine here guys!
Wine, more than any other beverage, offers a variety of aroma (and taste). These tastes vary greatly between region, grape, year, and personal style of the wine maker. Enjoy the smells of the wine. Refer to the second post in this series for a stereotype of the seven common wines you’ll encounter.
Your senses are nearly on overload. The aroma has you transfixed, the anticipation makes you swell with excitement. Your mouth waters as you expectantly take it in. The flavors dance across your tongue. Now more than ever your senses are aroused as the full climax of the experience is revealed…still talking about THE WINE here.
As you drink in the wine, let it sit in your mouth. For the first few sips, let it rinse across all parts of your mouth from front to back. Take note of how it tastes different on the tip of your tongue to the sides of your mouth. Good wine will reveal different secrets even after you swallow it (the finish). Some wine will be smooth and sweet and others will be dry and tart. These different flavor profiles work well with different foods. Like food, you’ll develop a preference for some, but don’t be afraid to experiment.
Enjoying wine may seem as intimidating as talking to a Victoria Secret model (while she’s still in her unmentionables), but the sexiness and complexity is revealed as you pull back the covers of the Swirl, Sniff, and Sip. Keep these basic principles in mind and even the most basic dude will experience the foreplay and climax that is tasting wine.
On a final note, guys; be willing to experiment. We all want our ladies to be playful in bed and open to new experiences. We need to take our own advice. It’s okay to walk into the store and buy 3-4 different bottles just to taste. Even better, take your lady on a day trip to a few winery tasting rooms. This is a fun and affordable way to explore new experiences. Be a man, don’t be a friggin’ sissy. Man up and go wine tasting. You just might have fun and you just might get laid!
In the final post of this four-part series we will attempt to demystify buying wine at the store and ordering at restaurants.
The Dude’s Guide to Wine
- In Part One we explained three reasons all guys should know a little about wine
- In Part Two we explored the basics of grapes and their general characteristics
- In Part Three we talked about the experience of wine tasting (swirl, smell, sip, savor)
- In Part Four we uncover the struggle of ordering wine at restaurants and buying in stores